Is it possible to go cold turkey from Royal Wedding fever? Along with (most) of the rest of the country, I was severely afflicted by this epidemic on Friday, suspended in a state somewhere between hyper and hysterical up until the Queen decided 'bugger this' and shuffled her family off Buck House balcony. As soon as those French doors closed, their fetching net curtains billowing in the breeze created by a million people screaming, I felt my mental state deteriorate faster than you can drive an Austin Martin from Buckingham Palace to Clarence House (all of 900 metres) And to think, back in November, I hadn't been all that fussed when William Wales announced his engagement to Kate 'The Hair' Middleton. I'd stopped fancying him around the time that Britney Spears stopped being cool.
Nice Wheels!
But by Friday, I found myself in full, unbridled Royalist mode. I barely slept on Thursday and was up at 6am on the wedding morning, more excited than a kid at Christmas (and frequent readers will know just how much of a big deal that is. They don't call me George 'Three Trees' Langford for nothin'.) I woke my mother up at 8am by calling her just to express my fervent DISGUST at the couple's new titles: The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge?! Why didn't Her Maj just make William 'Earl of Boring' while she was at it?
Having rocked up to my in-laws at 9am (we don't own a telly, and I wasn't going to miss an opportunity to watch Tara PT's nose wobble in 32 inch High Definition at their place) we quickly got in the festive spirit. Even my adopted cat got involved. He would have made a good bridesmaid.
We then moved venues while the Beeb were doing their first of the 'unnecessary and totally random interviews with a close friend of the couple' bits, which would pepper the day's coverage. Did we really need to know what the ingredients of William's fave post-gym smoothie are, BBC? As I tweeted at the time, it really was all killer, no filler from Broadcasting Corp on Friday, saved only by the legend that is Huw Edwards, whose cheeky Welsh wit competed only for attention between his fluro-tan and his neon pink tie. Go Huw!
At 10am, I nearly flattened my friend Dan in my Roadrunner style approach to their sofa. Thankfully, we were all present and correct at the moment when Harry and Wills pulled out of Clarence House, fully regailia'ed up, looking like something out of Top Gun, except their uniforms where red and black instead of white. Hello boys! Again, I don't even fancy poshos, but those boys did wonders for the reputation for British men as their buttons gleamed and their hats neatly hid their bald patches (yes Harry, you too have succombed to the Windsor curse.)
Fast forward past various thousand digitaries and slebs arriving at the Abbey - bless David Beckham, looking so suave, only to be swiftly told he had his OBE on the wrong lapel. Doh! - to the moment we had all been waiting for. The Queen, in all her buttercup glory, was seated in a face off to Carole Middleton's pale blue coat and matching Cheshire cat grin combo, and the artist formerly known as Kate Middleton was ON THE MOVE. I was kinda bummed that even with all that poncing about with plastic sheeting, we all still saw the dress as she jumped into the car with the world's proudest dad. However, it was flipping gosh darn perfect when she stepped out of the abbey, teeth n' hair shining, looking like a 2011 Grace Kelly (with brown hair, obviously.) When Pippa 'Hot Bot' Middleton jumped out to hold the train, every male I was with dropped their Battenburg to ogle the screen, but I wasn't going to allow a little chauvinism ruin my enjoyment of this fantasy day.
HRH Princess Perfect.
The ceremony was incredible. I'm not really into God stuff, but as a nation, we don't half do it well. The tradition, the theatre, even the trees in the Abbey looked perfect. It was obviously a bit greedy for Kate and Wills to have about four vicars to conduct one wedding ceremony, which was mostly hymns anyway, but the whole team did a 'great job!'. My highlights included; Kate nearly snapping her Dad's hand off as she gripped it all the way up the aisle, Harry whispering 'she's a bit of alright' to Wills (in posho speak, naturally) upon spying the bride, the couple barely moving their faces during the vows for fear of cracking up, the choirboys making their mum's proud, SamCam refusing to wear a hat, Kate and Wills sharing a smirk during the sermon and the nun sat next to William wearing a pair of black Reeboks. Awesome.
Must.Not.Cry.
After that point, I felt most sorry for the couple's hands, because no bride and bridegroom have wiggled their digits as much as those two on Friday. Those waves were spot-on. Kate's not fully up to the Queen's closed fingered subtle rotation yet, but hey, she's got 50 odd years to get it right. I particularly enjoyed the couple's sneaky hand-hold as they went under the arch, thinking no-one could see them. But not to worry, the Beeb had got a camera there! Honestly, I think if someone had picked their nose, the BBC would have had a camera positioned at exactly the right angle to capture it. Saying that, I thought we were close to that when little Grace Van Cutsem's fingers snaked up to her schnozz on the balcony. Thankfully, she went for the hysterical 'hands over ears' pose that provided yet another comedy moment during The Kiss.
Woah, devil child alert.
And what a kiss it was. To be honest, I had been hoping for a full on snog, which would have proven the Royal's really are determined to move with the times. No-one does a little peck on their wedding day; if you can't have a full on PDA then, when can you?
Altogether in true British style, "Wahey!"
But hey, they gave us two smooches, and as the daughter of a World War fanatic, I got shivers to see the planes fly over Buckingham Palace. I think they captured the spirit of patriotism that for once, engulfed the UK. Yes, living in this country has been just a little bit, well, shit, over the past few years, but seeing the Royal's put on a display of happy, modern family life, million's of tourists pouring in to witness pomp and circumstance as only we know how, and the unity that was created from one couple being in love, I felt very proud to be English on Friday. And the celebrations aren't over yet. Now where did I put that bunting...
